A new lifestyle needs new clothes
In a survey, Christian students were asked to rank a list of attributes according to where they were on a scale from very feminine to very masculine. The familiar lists of the fruit of the Spirit, those Paul sets out here as well as the longer list in Galatians 5:22, were scattered among other vices and virtues. The men in the survey tended to rank the fruit of the Spirit as more feminine than masculine!
It is all too easy for us to reassess vices and virtues, reckoning that they are not quite our style and giving them new names. Humility, for example, we may subconsciously think of as a weak 'feminine' kind of virtue. Anger and rage can become righteous reactions to other people's misdeeds, malice and slander become honest, but critical, assessment; compassion is morally weakness; patience, procrastination. We all need to understand ourselves and our motives.
Robert, for example, was asked to work in a fresh team in the financial services department of his firm. It was led by a man he didn't like and didn't want to work with - they saw things differently and treated subordinates in different ways. Robert criticised every part of the project and hoped his new team would be unsuccessful, to prove the point. But in a moment of truth he realised that his problem was one-third justified critical appraisal and two-thirds jealousy, leading to malice, anger and slander. He exercised some hard won patience and humility, was honest about his reservations but acted to make the project work.
Discernment and self-knowledge are learnt slowly as we battle in prayer with our own prejudices and personalities and allow the Holy Spirit to work to change us. Paul uses the metaphor of changing clothes - what we have to do is deliberately to put on patience, compassion, or humility when it is the last thing that we want to be. Realigning our will is the first stage in changing our hearts.
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