Word for the Week: Communicating Love
I have much to write you, but I do not want to do so with pen and ink. I hope to see you soon, and we will talk face to face. Peace to you. The friends here send their greetings. Greet the friends there by name.
3 John 13-14
John’s third letter is a very pastoral document. His concern was for the whole person – not only for his friend Gaius’ physical and spiritual well-being but also for the details of his everyday life. His warm affection shines out – both for Gaius and for the friends whom he wanted to greet by name. He is generous in commendation of Gaius’ faithfulness and hospitality. But he doesn’t hesitate to expose the defects in the church to which Gaius presumably belonged.
All this is concentrated in this one short letter. So what were John’s motives? Clearly, love was the first. But along with his love for people went a passion for the gospel and a longing that everyone should live by its principles. ‘I have no greater joy than to hear that my children are walking in the truth’, he wrote (v. 4).
The world in which John lived was very different from ours. There were only two means of communication: word of mouth and letters. ‘Face to face’ was John’s preferred means (v. 14). Our modern communications have immeasurably improved speed and efficiency, but do we sometimes use the telephone or email as the easy way out, or even a means of self-protection? In both, we are in control, and can end the communication at will.
There’s no substitute for face to face converse. The building of a relationship is nurtured by facial expression, eye contact and (dare I say it?) small talk. Even in the office, to say, ‘Hello, how’s it going? You seemed stressed yesterday. I wonder whether we could have a word about such-and-such’ does more for workplace relations than any number of emails.
Of all the new technologies, the one that is closest to face to face is Skype (which can span distances never dreamt of by John). But emails, texting, Facebook and Twitter and the rest, although fine as means of keeping in touch, are ephemeral and easily deleted. Email can, of course, be a wonderful blessing, used to maintain regular contact in busy lives, and a means of loving pastoral care. But will posterity ever publish ‘The Collected Emails of David Cameron’?
John’s alternative to face to face was pen and ink. The letter. The real letter. Whenever we can, let’s opt for the handwritten letter – or, if it has to be typed, at least ‘topped and tailed’ by hand.
Helen Parry
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