Rite of way

'Adolescence is like a tightrope walk from the secure, safe platform of childhood to adulthood. Suddenly the world becomes a difficult and dangerous balancing act -which the whole world seems to be watching.' Hazel, 16

Hazel couldn't be more right. When it comes to teenage life, the world is watching. We've had Teen Big Brother, 3 doses of Brat Camp, Bad Lad's Army, Can Fat Teens Hunt? - a whole host of shows dedicated to observing the triumphs but mainly the trials of being teenage in today's world.

Shows that either perpetuate the media myth that teenagers are 'trouble' -a la Brat camp or that, at the very least, they lack the 'moral fibre' and 'strong character' of previous generations such as lad's Army.

So combine a heavy media focus on teen life with an adult obsession for either living or looking 'young', and it's no wonder many young people feel that the journey into adulthood 'becomes a difficult and dangerous balancing act.'

It's also no surprise that many feel confused over what it means to be an adult. If Media sets the bar for a lot of young people as regards to what to expect from adult life then there's often precious little difference between the lifestyles portrayed on Gossip girl, Skins and Hollyoaks and shows aimed at adults, Footballers Wives and Hotel Babylon.

If there's little distinction between adults and teens on TV then in part it's because 'teenage' has been so idealised that those pre and post the teen years all want to be adolescents. Everyone wants to stay 16 forever. 19 year old writer Sophie Hart-Walsh sums it up by quoting famed US journalist Judith Martin 'Once you identify a period of time in your life in which people get to stay out late but don't have to pay taxes - naturally, no one wants to live any other way.' Sophie goes on to say

'The idea of 'teenage years' turned the concept of childhood on its head. What child, regardless of their circumstance, doesn't look forward to a decade of rebellion, enthusiasm, passionate liaisons, energy and independence? As my seven year old brother, when asked the question 'what do you want to be when you grow up?' replied, 'I want to be 15, 16, 17 or one of those numbers because I can just hang out.'

As one Church leader said to me today's rites of passage for young people seem to involve simply 'looking older than you are.' Attempting to look old enough to buy cigarettes is followed by looking old enough to get served in a pub; to buy alcohol at an off licence or to get into a nightclub. Sophie concurs:

'Most of my adolescence has been spent trying to work out how not to seem like a teenager - how to appear much older and more mature. My friends and I learnt quickly. Wearing too much makeup and a pencil skirt on the bus in the hope that we would be charged full fare...'

It's also true though that we're in an age of youth envy where adults try to recapture the responsibility free period of teenage excess. This means that many adults do not model 'adulthood' to young people but instead model 'extended adolescence'. As another teen writer Joshua Stamp-Simon puts it:

'Society allows parents to be impulsive, arbitrary and to do more or less what they like. This is because parents comprise most of society. It's a conspiracy. Parents get divorced, and then date or even marry unsuitable new spouses as they please. But woe betide the teenager who makes unsuitable friends... I have known parents who have flown off with little notice to New York or blithely taken a round-the-world cruise, leaving their bereft offspring to fend for themselves..'

So do we act any differently in the Church? Maybe you don't know too many parents who leave their teens in your care whilst they pop off to Manhattan for a spot of shopping but do we have a clear notion of what it means to be an adult within our society? What does 'growing up' accomplish? and is Church any better than society at helping people achieve adulthood?

The erosion of adulthood.
Teenagers and children do take their cue from 'grown up' role models - it's we who establish what it means to be adult. So we have a problem in the church if the only adults our youth predominantly come into contact with are youth workers. This is especially true if we continue to carve out separate spaces for young people in our churches - the youth group, the youth service, the twenty something cell group - rather than allowing them to interact with adults.

Ecclesiastical issues aside, there are many reasons why the idea of 'adulthood' has been eroded over the last century.

Part of the problem is that adolescence has become one of the 20th century's most enduring self-fulfilling prophecies: every parent still expects their child to turn into Harry Enfield's Kevin, and every young person understands that angst is the coda of childhood. We've effectively created a 'limbo' period between childhood and adulthood that leaves adults unsure as to whether they treat teens as children or adults.

Also adulthood used to be perceived as a period of relative emotional and financial stability. But 'fixed' measurements of adult independence such as starting work, getting married and getting a mortgage are breaking down too. Many people don't start work until 22 or older. A job is no longer 'for life'; and consequently, we no longer remain in a fixed geographical location for very long. It is also becoming increasingly difficult to get your foot on the first rung on the property ladder.

And with so many children witnessing the break-up of their parents' marriages, it's hard for them to believe that adulthood will
offer any more emotional stability than adolescence does.

If you don't want me to treat you like a child...

It doesn't help that we have no defined celebrations of childhood's end - only confusing distances between legal acknowledgements of 'adulthood': at 10 you can be criminally responsible; at 13 you can own an air rifle; you can get married, have sex at 16, join the army at 17 but you have to wait until 18 to vote, smoke, drink and watch what you like at the cinema. With little tradition in our society to celebrate the journey into adulthood, is it any wonder that teens place great significance on creating their own rites of passage with peers? Rites that seek to imitate the 'independence' of adulthood - which may revolve around smoking, drinking, sex, drugs and joyriding?

In celebrating these rites aren't teenagers simply emulating the role models a consumerist and leisure obsessed society present to them?
There's also been a shift in the vocational expectations of many youth - some young people no longer aspire to become skilled craftsmen or pioneering artists but instead choose to emulate 'personalities' such as 'page 3' girls, Jordan and Keeley.

According to a survey among 15-19-year-old girls by the 'interactive entertainment website' www.thelab.tv, 63 per cent now wish to become 'glamour models' instead of doctors, teachers or nurses.

We may question the validity of a report produced by quizzing the users of an entertainment site but it can't be denied that in a world saturated with 'glamorous' images of young women, teenagers come to associate success and acceptance with having a figure that's been enhanced by a surgeon or computer.

It's surely, too, a symptom of our get-rich-and-famous-quick culture - as celebrated by the National Lottery and Big Brother - that teenagers believe that baring all is the most painless route to stardom and wealth.

These are 'Adults'. These are the role models society presents to young people.

This is, to a degree, the experience of many adolescents in the west - a shift of boundaries, confusing notions of what it means to be 'adult', contradictions over the 'freedoms' afforded to young people - we've created a 'no man's land' in between childhood and adulthood and it's territorial boundaries seem to be expanding. Is adolescence the defining cultural story of today?

Boundary Lines

Part of the problem is that adults have lost confidence when it comes to knowing how to create boundaries for young people without seeming draconian.

In Britain, as one report found, the teens least likely to experience problems coping with adolescence are those from strongly religious families of migrant origin whose parents do create strict boundaries:

'Six of the 36 teenagers (surveyed) were Asian and each was remarkably calm - sorted, they would say. Their families are strong and structured, they live in a defined community and their religious faith means that many of the complications teenagers feel they need to address - sex, drinking, drug taking - are not options so they don't have to worry about them - and they don't.'

So is it possible to create positive boundaries for young people - ones that have less to do with them celebrating their rights as an individual and more to do with them acknowledging responsibilities? Perhaps we should encourage them to see that the journey from childhood to adulthood does not take them from dependence to independence, but to interdependence; adulthood involves acknowledging that although people have responsibilities toward us, we have responsibilities towards them.

Rite of Way

But in order for them to acknowledge a shift of role and expectations in becoming an adult do we need to clearly mark an exit from childhood - an entrance into adulthood?

The Jewish celebration of Bar Mitzvah and Bat Mitzvah accomplishes this by combining a sense of reaching adulthood with a commitment to follow God's commandments. Bar Mitzvah means 'son of the commandment'; Bat means daughter and refers to the sabbath following the child's birthday (13 for boys, 12 for girls) when they read the Torah aloud for the first time. It's a hugely important time in the life of Jewish families that involves celebration on a level akin to western weddings.

At the celebration the son or daughter is required to give a speech. No doubt it's a nerve wracking occasion for the individual's involved but it means that the event doesn't just celebrate coming of age but, by giving young people such a responsibility, encourages maturity as well.

There's been a renewed emphasis on the role of rites of passage over recent years. Traditionally such rites involve three elements, risk, ritual and recognition. All three of those aspects are mirrored in a celebration within the Amish communities of North America. It's a coming-of-age experience entitled rumspringa (a Pennsylvania Dutch word roughly translated as "running wild"). It's a religious rite of passage during which young Amish men and women are allowed to leave their homes to explore the outside world. It's an exploration that continues until they decide whether or not they want to join the Amish church and be welcomed back into their families or to make their home in 'contemporary' society.

The Church's Role.

This is just the beginning of a conversation. We live at a time when much communal tradition has been eradicated without anything of significance being offered to replace it. The Church, perhaps, might begin by exploring its role not as an upholder of the past at all costs, but as a community that can demonstrate the value of meaningful ritual within our culture. Celebrating the amazing journey from childhood to adulthood would be an excellent place to start.

It needs to be noted though that such meaningful rituals need to take place within 'meaningful' communities. Where there are deep communal ties and a keen sense of shared journey a rite of passage will take on strong significance. The alternative is a celebration that could simply become a spectator event that carries no real transformative value for the individual concerned. For example confirmation within the Church of England could be seen as a rite of passage but it rarely conveys any true sense to the candidate that they have now become an adult in the eyes of the church.

Compare that with the experiences of one church community in North East England who celebrate the coming of age of boys by family, friends and significant adult male others from the church gathering for an evening of takeaway curry and prayer.

A simple ceremony perhaps but the gravitas granted it arises from the depth of relationships experienced within that particular church family. If we are to create strong ties between young and old within Christian communities what is required is not superficial ceremony but for adults from the wider church family to take active roles in helping 'rear' children in a communal setting. In a society that's beginning to mourn the lack of coherent, unifying stories the church can play a hugely important part by providing a locus for recovering tradition and imbuing it with a fresh sense of celebration.

This book can be purchased from the LICC Shop.